It's just a conversation, right?
Speaking in public is an essential skill for leaders. So why do so many of us fear it?
I'd been listening to a podcast, minding my own business, when the presenter suddenly said:
“Public speaking is one of the top fears that people have. Above death. It's why people avoid it and don't do it.”
A fear greater than life itself? Really? I know. Crazy, right?
But. Instead of shaking my head at how ridiculous the idea was, I found myself nodding in agreement. I got it. I knew what the presenter was trying to say.
There have been times when (if not actually wishing I’d die before a presentation) I’ve thought about what I might do to avoid it. Have you ever done that? No. Okay, maybe it's just me. I remember a night in Amsterdam back when I worked at the Guardian - I’d been invited to speak at a conference. At the speaker's dinner, I casually asked how many people the conference organisers expected the next day.
“Eight hundred” the organiser said. “Isn't that great?”
“Great,” I said, before rushing off to my hotel room to over prepare / panic / feel sick / and debate what level of damage I’d have to inflict on myself to get out of it.
What if I was knocked down by a tram? Maybe I could ‘fall’ into a canal? Too much?
Sudden flu? Too little?
So yes, I’ve thought some pretty crazy things to stop me from simply talking about a topic that I cared, and had something to say, about.
What happened the next day? I turned up at the event, delivered the talk, and it went fine. I was happy with it and I had some good feedback from the audience. As always, nothing bad happened. All the crazy scenarios I’d painted in my head were just that; thoughts in my head.
And that’s the good news. These feelings are totally normal - well maybe not the tram bit. It stands to reason. When you speak, in any setting, it’s a moment of intense vulnerability. All eyes are on you. But don’t believe that great speakers and just ‘born like that’ or that you’re a bad speaker and thats just how it is. All of this, the fear, the anxiety, the content, the delivery - it can all be developed and coached just like any other skill.
Over the years I’ve done a bunch of work to help me get better at speaking. I now have a clear idea what I’m scared of (it’s usually a fear that I’ll say something stupid and look dumb) and what I can do about it. I’ve made peace with the fact that I’ll always feel some nerves, and that’s OK. I enjoy it now. I’ve learnt to be comfortable with not being comfortable.
Because you have to.
And here’s the thing. I don’t think you can be the leader you want to be if you don’t speak up.
You can’t.
First, you need to represent your company in a way that does justice to your mission, raises up your team and excites your customers.
Second, and possibly more important in my eyes, you need to speak up for yourself, your team and your customers internally. You need to show up for those who aren’t in the room. Those who don’t have a voice of their own but deserve to be heard. Not everyone can be in the monthly board meeting. Not everyone will be invited to the exec team strategy offsite, or asked to speak at the monthly All Hands. If you are, you deserve, and need, to be heard. Silence does you and your team a disservice.
You have to show up, and showing up usually involves speaking up at some point.
So when I talk about public speaking I mean all of it. The formal main stage presentations. The monthly company wide meeting. The weekly leadership team meet. The client call. The leaving speech. The internal ‘start the week meeting.' The impromptu thanks or welcome at an event. All of it.
And each of those situations will hold different fears for different people. And these will show up at different times, and with different severity. This relationship between psychology and physiology in public speaking anxiety is a complex one. On one hand, we have our thoughts, beliefs, and interpretations about public speaking that can make us feel nervous or apprehensive. On the other hand, our body's natural stress response kicks in, which can lead to physical reactions like sweaty palms or dry mouth etc.
This is what is so fascinating, how our mind and body interact in this way. And understanding this interplay is important crucial. It will help you work towards managing any fears you have of speaking in front of others. It will help you find the voice that we all want to hear. And it will help you be the leader you want to be.
As always, if you want to discuss any of this further with me then mail me at steve@stevewing.co.uk or take a look at stevewing.co.uk.
Read: Why Are We Scared of Public Speaking? | Theo Tsaousides Ph.D.
While some people experience a debilitating form of glossophobia, even a mild form can have devastating effects. Fear of public speaking can prevent you from taking risks to share your ideas, to speak about your work, and to present your solutions to problems that affect many people—and as a result, it can affect how much you grow personally and professionally, and how much impact you can have.
Theo Tsaousides Ph.D. | 5 minutes
Listen: Incredible Research from Harvard; 4 Simple Tools to Conquer Your Fear | Mel Robbins
You will never get better or conquer your fear of public speaking if you’re unwilling to prepare.
The Mel Robbins Podcast | 53 minutes
Watch: Speaking Up Without Freaking Out | Matt Abrahams
I don't think we can ever truly overcome our anxiety, nor would we want to. Anxiety is actually helpful. It gives us energy it helps us focus it tells us what we're doing is important but we must manage it so it doesn't manage us.
TED Talks| 15 minutes
Bonus watch: Stage fright: Don’t get over it; get used to it. | Anwesha Banerjee
Tools & Resources: Public Speaking Anxiety Tips: 6 Mindset Tips | Alexander Lyon
There are two main inroads to your public speaking anxiety. The first is changing your mindset. The second is changing your behaviour, or the concrete actions that you take.
In this video, I'll be giving you six tips all about mindset or how you think. If you can change the way you think about public speaking, you'll change the way you feel.
Alexander Lyon | Watch 10 minutes
Bonus Tools & Resources: Public Speaking Anxiety Tips: 6 Behavioural Tips | Alexander Lyon
Mindset is powerful, but it's only half of the story. We can also use behavioural strategies to reduce our nervousness and get this feedback loop moving in the right direction
Alexander Lyon | Watch 10 minutes
Bonus Resources: How To Conquer Your Fear Of Public Speaking | Sonia Maslovskaya
In order for us to overcome the fear of public speaking, we have to first accept that this fear is quite normal
Sonia Maslovskaya | 10 minute Read.
The World Champion of Public Speaking: 5 Public Speaking Tips to Speak with Confidence | Ramona Smith
We’ll review some time-tested techniques to help you prepare so that you feel empowered. When you incorporate these five crucial tips as you plan and deliver your next speech, you'll have an easier time, and your audience will get more out of the experience.
ToastMasters | 7 minutes
If you’re interested in finding out more, or how coaching might help you address any of these topics, please contact me on steve@stevewing.co.uk or find me at stevewing.co.uk